I have two children, and I try to write 2,000 words each day. Between those two things, I don’t get out much. Seriously, it isn’t uncommon for me to leave my house only once or twice a week. On these rare occasions, I almost always find something interesting– i.e, appalling– that makes me question the future course of humanity. Today was no exception.
Michael finally caught the head cold that has been making the rounds through our family. I did what any woman with sense does when there’s a snotty man in the house; I hit the door at a run and never looked back. I texted Mom, who instantly grasped the severity of the situation and came right over to pick me up. We had a nice breakfast that didn’t take nearly long enough, so Mom mentioned going to check out the new Kirkland’s that just opened up in town. It is next to the Bed, Bath, & Beyond store, or as I call it “shit nobody needs but will inexplicably pay out the nose for.” Kirkland’s is kind of like that. I guess it’s a home decor store. If glass bottles wrapped in burlap and sealed with an ill-fitting cork count as home decor. I mean, they must, because I can think of no practical purpose for such a thing.
Or maybe it’s a furniture store. There were an awful lot of uncomfortable looking chairs and a vast assortment of tiny tables. Most of them, my daughter could destroy in minutes– and that’s without really applying herself. One such table appeared to be constructed of wire hangers and faux wood. It cost $127. I’d have better luck and more stability with an old milk crate and a piece of plywood.
My confusion over just what kind of store this was intensified when, on our way out, Mom noticed a display of glass balls. Insert needle scratching on record noise here. Okay, I understand glass balls on Christmas trees. Actually, I really don’t, but I accept that it’s done and that people claim the tradition harkens back to some Druidic culture. I have no idea if that’s true, but regardless, this was February, so the glass balls were likely not meant as Christmas decorations. At this point, I think one has to ask if the owners of Kirkland’s comprehend the use of a ball. I think most people would agree that a ball is meant to be tossed, thrown, or rolled. A glass ball, when tossed, thrown, or rolled, will break. You don’t have to be Super Grover to figure this out. So I’m going to assume these glass balls are simply meant for decoration. I should mention here that said glass balls cost $39.99 a piece. FYI, If you find yourself either in need of glass balls or a burning desire to pointlessly rid yourself of forty bucks, let me warn you against displaying the glass balls on the $127 table made of wire hangers and faux wood. Or else, buy a broom while you’re at it.
Then we went to our local Barnes and Noble, which sells cheesecakes, Legos, Easter baskets, candles, designer soaps, and oh yeah– a few books. More on that another time.